Painful Lessons From My Heart

This is a reflection on the love that once consumed me. A story of love, loss, and self-discovery – a journey that has left me scarred. I dreamt of him months before our eyes met. A vision that left an indelible mark - a soulful debt. When we finally connected, I felt an cosmic thrill, a sense of destiny that drew me in. The love felt new, exciting, and alluring – I was willing to give my all, and my heart kept enduring. As reality set in, cracks began to appear. Drug stories, the lies, the manipulation – it was a treacherous landscape, one that I thought I could navigate with caution, yet still, I fell. The memories of our time together still linger, a bittersweet reminder of love's tender pains. I've come to realize that my love is a double-edged sword. It's a love that gives without reserve, that pours out without hesitation. It's a love that's left me vulnerable, open to hurt and heartache, yet, it's also a love that's taught me resilience, and rising again.

This relationship was a reminder and a wake up call to start loving myself, no, not the cliche type of "self love" but to really look deep within and start loving myself in an authentic way. It's a lesson that's taken time to learn, but one that's been invaluable. I've come to understand that my love, as beautiful and all-consuming as it is, must be tempered with a deep and abiding love for myself first. Here's the thing...I know the pain of emptiness, of feeling unseen, And so I pour my love, to make his heart beam. It's not naivety or foolishness that drives my soul, But the memory of loneliness. I do tend to put others first, I suppose that is the way my heart pleads to be seen and to be known. A validation sought, and a love to call my own. With the father of my children, the love quickly turned cold, emotional scars, financial chains and a heart that felt less. Then came another, with a charming guise, addicted to subsctances, a love that left me traumatised. It's hard to rewire, a heart like mine, but I'm taking the lessons, and seeing this journey through.